So, yeah.

I realize I haven't written in some time. I have kept my thoughts overmuch to myself. Even this blog is private now. Or I think it is. I've changed it back and forth a few times. Either way, I have lost my discipline as a writer, I lost it long ago somewhere. It just doesnt happen anymore, I guess I dont see any use in it. No one wants the stuff I put out.

Still no job, wish I could say I've done something useful with nearly a year of being unemployed, but my savings have dwindled through bad investments and I've found only middling success in the sale of my super soakers.

I have been reading, dozens of books. I also started to get more into politics. I'm trying very hard to network with the Waugh for Congress campaign and help them out in the area. Had our first little sort of meeting here. 8 people showed up including Rick, two of them didnt seem the least bit thrilled, and kind of negative about his candidacy. I think we have a real shot, especially since Rick told me that there is a tea party guy in the running. God if there was a way to channel support to him and split the rightists down the middle...

Anyhow we did have a good time despite the rain, I drove through a bit of a storm to get there and Tom was good enough to loan me a shirt afterwards, and a towel. It was fun though and we were talking about making it an annual event, to just have an informal lunch where everyone could get something to eat and have a good time, and not worry about speeches or whatever. Rick is built for that sort of stuff, and I think that's a great strength.

Question to the Optimus Prime Minister

Did laundry today. Depressed. Terribly so. Considering a run for congress but not sure how much enemies in the republican party could dig up. Also, I like my privacy very well. Will probably need to go back to work in spring as well. But its an opportunity I'd feel silly for passing up. Am just asking a few people I know about it for now, testing the waters, seeing who would be behind me.

I'm trying to improve myself in other ways too. I want to get my GED and will take the practice test this week. I've also started excersising. Its absolutely necessary as I dont scamper around the kitchen all day now. Every day I'm here I grow weaker, and every day Charlie's in the jungle he grows stronger. So I walk down the hill to the mail box and back, do sit ups, and so forth and so on. Its already starting to show results.

Need to go by Chris' family's house and reclaim my x box. I keep hoping I'll see him there but he's dropped off the face of the earth for about a month now. I dont know why. I hope he's ok. He does this sometimes though, I shouldnt worry. But it is awfully quiet here. I bought a super nintendo so we could mess around on there, got a few games I remember too. Seeing this stuff again, its something special really. I'd like to get more eighties stuff.

Windstorm today. Warm and humid with light spraying mist. I went out in my coat with the long trailing heavy cape and felt my raiment swirl around me, enjoying the gusts. Something about the primal embrace of nature's fury has always fascinated me, the song of wind consoles my heart.

Must find Blake or Chris soon. I'll try to call Chris again, see if he can come down, or maybe I'll go up to Manassas.

baked fucking potato!

I have never needed a baked potato more than I do right now. Never. In the history of baked potatoes. I have google searched it. That failed to help. It was like the meerest hint of porn to a hardcore, uh, pornogrophile? on jonesing for his next hit. I cannot begin to explain the clear and present necessity of having a baked potato. I considered going to walmart for one, but I was unsure if their deli would be open at 5 in the morning. It must be crispy skinned, done in an oven and not a microwave.

I will go to the inn tomorrow with sour cream, etc, and before leaving I will call them and order that potatoes be put in the oven. Surely I still have some authority within the kitchen. I will bring chives. I will have my fucking baked potato. Tonight, the freezer burgeoned on empty, I had only some pizzas and a thing of swedish meatballs left.

This is a bourgeois and villainous complaint in times when men go hungry, but I really wanted something, anything, with even a passing resemblance to a good old idaho russet pulled out of the dirt potato. I have seen them the size of a football, do you know that? of a football!

Trying to trade my stocks into something decent so I can have money to live without a job. Unemployment wont last forever. I want to be able to get off of government relief. Gerd bothers me frequently, whining "what are we going to do". I give him the usual "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" he presses. I tell him we will live on my secret moon base. Finally anger boils over when he touches my computer desk. I yell at him until he leaves my presence which takes a surprising amount of time. I need out of here, I need a potato.

I had a good one at Wendy's while hanging out with Chris. You can just order it from them, even though they're sort of a fast food chain. That kind of bumps them up, you know? Chris cannot be found. Blake out of touch also. I have read 500 pages of my FDR biography. I will finish the remaining 200 within the week. Its true the solitude gets to me sometimes, but I rather like it better than the company of some people.

Tomorrow I go shopping and out to have baked potatoes. Tonight I sleep. Have started moderate excersise program to keep fit and not fall apart due to inactivity. Will try to keep with it.

Roosevelt pre polio was a rich little prick bastard. Some of the things he did seem villainous to me. Paralells to Lenin, except that the lengths FDR went to were not so extreme, mainly because his cause was not as defined. Post polio FDR I am still in judgement on but generally a good man. Absurd that the bastard called Huey Long a dictator though. Both were dictators of the proletariat, or the closest to it America has yet had. Still looking for clues as to his inaction on the Spanish war, thats about the part I'm at.

Party Meeting and voting

Went to vote at party meeting. Arrived early. Helped Ronnie set up. Sad to see him go, he's always been a cheerful, level sort of guy. Intended to run for chairman after him. They said John Bushey was to run for his spot, but I don't know him, and I figured I could get the place and start making things happen.

Found out Tom Ford was running from Edna Berry. Went to talk to him. Seemed he had been interested since before I'd heard about the spot due to a breakdown in communications. I hear very little, it seems. I offered not to run and to caucus for him against Bushey. He said he'd rely on me in the future. We both mentioned eachothers editorials.

I went about pushing for him. Talked to just about everyone I knew that I didnt figure was already reliably in his camp. After district representation was confirmed I am now a district rep to the state convention! Anyhow we got down to the vice chairman. Lee McWhorter had said Bushey was more conservative democrat and the party was too liberal. I saw the fellow come over and tell Lee to nominate Tom for Vice chairman, offering him the consolation prize just like Hilary had done. Rather arrogant in my view, but John seems like he wants to run for DA and I'd like to support him on that one so we can ditch Hennessy.

I told Tom just so he'd know what was up. He laughed and was not at all surprised by Lee's offer, which he promptly declined.. Elected David from the Obama house to the vice chair. Chairman came up. Bushey made lengthy speech about earthquakes and listed off the names of people in the Republican party that he didnt much like. I flat out asked him what he planned to do. Talked about getting more young folks into the party. Another Ford supporter, her name escapes me just now but she was involved in the D1 election spat I had as Politcom chair, she asked him where he'd been all the time she was in the party. He basically said "youve only been in the party 5 or 6 years, so whatever." but then it was a somewhat aggressive question so I can't fault him for snapping. Again, I expect to work with this fellow soon.

Tom came up and gave his speech. Didnt have any questions. I made a rather nice comment about his editorials, and how seeing that someone else was writing without being lynched yet had gotten me into doing the same. We agreed that the key point of the lynching issue was the word "yet" and everyone had a good laugh.

Voting took place and Tom won by a landslide. My candidacy wouldnt have mattered worth a damn, I'd have likely not even gotten enough to split the vote for Bushey, so I'm glad I didn't contest the matter. There'll be time for elections later, and not for party office.

I must make a note to speak to Bushey at some point. I'm sure he is aware I was strongly for Ford, but if he's to be DA, and it seems likely he'll win, it's best to start talking to him sooner rather than later and not let any hard feelings develop. The margin was, I think, over 2-1 and thats kind of a rebuke, so I'm sure he isnt liking that too well just now. He seemed a capable fellow, but I don't see the dem chairmanship being a good springboard into electoral fights.

Thats about all there is for that just now. I'll see how things develop. Saw light in Chris' basement when I passed on the way home, maybe he's back in town. I'll have to drop by.

a single green light, minute and far away

Its been a long time since I wrote. Does that make me wicked? Perhaps. But it doesnt need that to make me so. What is there to report? I rearranged my absurd collection of super soakers today. I made thousands on stocks and lost thousands time and again. I've been to Canada and back. I think for the last time. I dont like any of it. The cold wasnt so bad this time but it was expensive all the same. Lisa and I are too different. And I have become far too averse to human contact. Also, she appears not to shave, and I was unwilling or uncaring to mention that. Christmas with her parents. They seemed to be good people. I didnt do as much housework as last time.

Lisa introduced me to her friend Michael. Good guy. He got her to watch Rent and loaned her Party Monster, another good film. He seemed interesting. Lisa asks me to stay with her. I know I wont. I ask her to come back online more, so forth. I know she won't, but asking people to spend time with you is expected. I go through the motions. Tell her before I go to sleep. I do not know why.

Went to find a travel agent for my trip to Cuba. Sugar harvest is on. I want to volunteer like Dr. Guevara did. I would feel bad for copying so great a man, but, I think, he often gave speeches encouraging emulation. Or was it President Castro? I can no longer recall, but I think it was Comrade Guevara. I wonder what he would have thought of me being mixed up in such capitalism.

I focus on it now, on my stocks. Try to make my fortune. I havent any friends hardly. Chris appeared to take me back from the airport and hung around for a day. He seems to have returned to his Manassas life as effortlessly as he came to Luray a month or two ago. A child got sick on my flight and they asked if there was a doctor on board. I had staked out a row to myself so I might stretch out and sleep, but had to give it up due to passengers needing not to sit in the child's puke. I did not sleep, and once I returned I went to work.

New Years Dinner was a cheep affair with a shoddy menu. I had to take a nap in the supply cupboard due to tiredness and idleness, our first customers came late. Nothing remotely interesting or innovative. Soup. A wretched fucking caesar salad. Filet mignon. The oysters were lumped with bacon, as though putting bacon on things was a brilliant secret known only to a secretive cabal of select chefs. Dessert was some mushed up banana pie. Again I acted pleasant. I knew a few people still. Lisa was legitimately glad to see me. I cannot fathom where she gets her disposition from, or how it can possibly be legitimate, though it is honest. As for the dinner, I cannot think of a more depressing start to a new year. I went back to Chris' house after declining offers to drink. No pay, but I trust they'll send money sometime.

Slept at Chris' house. No elation at being home. Chris' family was glad to see him back and we hung out all the next day. Chris managed to score us some hashbrowns at McDonalds and we watched some dreadful movies and saw Chris' Christmas gift, a playstation 3. We used it to watch the old transformers series on. I saw an episode I remember from my boyhood where Starscream goes back in time. Perhaps that idea had appealed to me.

Blake has been at the house for Christmas but told me nothing of it. We rarely talk these days and the most memorable thing now is his fast driving as though watching him go by in a blur. I got a Christmas card signed by the president. That's something. One day I hope to get to meet him. He is a good man. I'll attend the democratic party meeting this Thursday and see what can be done.

No one is online anymore. I wait all night for a message or an email, and then the possibility recedes. I crawl out of bed with my alarm, trying to get up earlier so I might tend my stocks properly and appear more normal. But I look at the covers and know I'll go to sleep in them again tonight. I suppose thats a good bit of security in itself, something a lot of folks dont have in these times.

I try to keep my solidarity with the workers, and that helps. I have read Huey Newton and Ho Chi Minhs biographies and now move on to Roosevelt. He knew Huey Long. He appointed people to work in Rockland, where Solomon and Ginsburg clawed at its walls. I curse his whore of a secretary of state, who kept him from helping the Loyalists. When one studies history and its people, it all becomes a great tapestry.

Thats all there is for now. I hope one day to find that single green light that Gatsby was looking to.

2 days with Chris and Blake

Are worth ten without. Yesterday, Friday I think, Blake woke me up and we gamed for a bit. We then decided to all go off to Chris' house. On the way out we discovered Charlies truck was trapped in a ditch and he thought he'd need the tractor to get it out. Turns out me and Blake pretty much got it alone. Went to Chris'. watched The Wizard because its epic, and Mystery Men because Chris hadnt seen it and I couldnt allow that. Chris had apparently bought a ton of TVs for his family on black friday and it was a huge fucktastrophe of a sale. They'd even put up barriers to keep people from getting trampled.

So after that we went for food. Rachel was off watching a horrible movie or something so we didnt take her. We get to Burger King and have a really nice meal, their cheesey tots are pretty yummy. Then Blake announces his plan to drive us to one of Chris' stalkers houses and do.... something? I dont know. Instead he drives insanely around, losing a hubcap for the second time in as many days.

Also we went to walmart at some point for no reason. I wanted to get lighter fluid so I could light my foot on fire and kick Blake but I couldnt and he wasnt in to it. So instead he drove all over hell and then pretty much stranded Chris at the house here. We messed around and read D&D books while half assed watching Tale Sting. Blake and Izzy had to go to bed after a bit so it was just me and Chris at like 1-2 am. I thought Chris looked tired so I said I could let him sleep. No dice. He said he had to go home because he was wearing Rick's shoes. Oh dang.

He was literally just like I gotta go bye, and I just couldnt let him go alone. So I went with him. I gathered entirely too much stuff. I never travel light it seems. And then I was off to walk like 8 miles to Chris' house. We saw a shooting star on the way and talked of many things. Existentialism, Oscar Wilde, why we're both fucked up, and our meager plans. Chris had a plan once, something no one else likely knows, and I wont elaborate on it ever. I told him things also, of my family, my aunt dying, and we spoke of the future.

There were more stars going off into the west that night. Bright ones. I really want to go to California now. And Canada too.I spoke of the Canadian stuff, and things that had happened to both of us. It was good to know we werent alone in such things. I think that was more than we'd ever really talked in forever, because mostly there is the great distractive calming of the games or the movies. Or work. It isnt work that has ever vexed Chris though. The guy can work. Its just monotony and the fear of getting stuck in that. Its the same with me really. I dont know why I did better at that sort of stuff, Chris isnt lazy or anything, is what I'm saying.

We only reached his house at like 5 am and we both fell asleep in teh basement. I've never slept so easily.

Blake came by, having discovered us missing. Him and Chris were gaming. So I sort of helped Rachel not really clean, but decorate her room. She drew a huge dinosaur on the wall that was pretty awesome. Helped toss up some posters I gave her and prints she had of Michael Jackson so it looked a little more lived in. Oh did I mention me and Chris watched Catwoman some time ago and the dvd is now horribly overdue? I also need to give them my application.

So yeah thats how that went. Blake took us all out for tacos and we had a great time. Chris got the black taco for some reason. Then we went back to his house and played smash bros til it was time to go home sometime at night. So me and Blake played mechwarrior longer and got up to like 80 kills in one mission. He also wanted to see my suikoden saves but they're gone now. Blargh.

Blake and Izzy went to bed after watching a weird al video collection and Fanboys. I never knew the doctor was Carrie Fischer. Cool! Blake was sitting on the remote for half an hour while we searched for it to play the damn movie so we all shot him. They went and dug up some dirt for their animal pen thingy of insects, and I found the sword I'd thrown at Blake the previous night when we got home. I dont know what he did to piss me off, but I chased him with the nerf claymore, gave up, threw it at him, and grabbed this giant plastic pipe hose from the yard and chased him with that.

The point is the sword had been out in the cold and was covered in frost. It looked AWESOME and then Izzy slapped blake on the neck with it and it literally did like 1d4 cold damage. Then Blake hugged her while I poked it up her shirt and she screamed. that rocked.

So yeah they eventually had to go to bed. I checked the stocks I wanted to get into. Some of them have had like 40 percent gains in a damn day just recently. I think theres money to be made there. Hopefully I can get some decent cash together so this unemployment thing can be solved forever.

Further d&d madness and BATTLE

Woke up today with no one around. So I got cleaned up and got on the computer. Rachel was on Chris' account. So she said they were bored and me and Blake should drop by. And then I was like sure. Problem was I had left my bike at Chris' house, but that worked out ok cuz I just decided to walk.

I was trying to carry a ton of stuff and not doing too good, but I found a plastic bag beside the road and totally just equipped it to hold the character sheets and everything. Rachel and Chris were awesome enough to come get me and found me wandering the road in a drunken daze, as usual. So I clambered into the back of the Chrismobile. We got to Chris' house and his mom and grandma were all making dinner, and sent the three of us out for butter and stuff, which we duly got, surprisingly quickly for a walmart trip. Rachel attacked Rick with a bird.

So we ate and it was all pretty good stuff. They make a good baked macaroni and thats very important to have a good baked macaroni. Really nice folks. We finished dinner after talking of Chris' different stalkers, and watching people that were yelling at popeyes, and then later watching people who were paid to yell at popeyes. Also we watched Jungle All The Way A LOT. It is now our national anthem.

Dinner ended and we went to the basement to watch Mystery Men, which somehow Chris hasnt seen. Turns out we just watched Unfortgotten Realms on Newgrounds for a while til we went up to try to start D&D and I tried to call for Blake... and just then a car pulled in. I was worried it was crazy girls like the ones I'd just been talking about so I told Chris to hide in the bathroom, but turns out it was Blake and Izzy.

So we all went up and I was for D&D since we were all there, but Chris was all about some Mario for the wii. We started D&D and izzy sat out again as she seems to do, but at least she got to watch this time. So the story, if you can call it that, was that pirates had taken over because they killed all the ninjas. For no reason they go to a pawnstore. No one buys anything until Rachel tries to get a flame proof coat. But the guy doesnt sell those so he gives her a coat soaked in water.

So they find a ninja and fight him, Rachael is the only one that can do damage to him for no reason. He summons help just to save his ass from Rachel. He stabs Blake and impales him. Then Rachel picks up a window and crushes it over his head knocking him out. Then Chris rips the sword out of Blake's stomach and fights with it but is disarmed. Then Blake wiffs on his roll and puts a sword in his stomach but in the same place. Chris draws this one as well doing more damage and equips it. Rachel sets one of the pirates on fire and he dies horribly.

Then the remaining pirate is grapeling with Blake. He kicks off Blake, and Chris rips his shoe out of Blake's stomach where its lodged and throws it at the guy, but misses. So the guy says fuck this, sticks a fucking bomb in Blake's gaping hole in his stomach, and runs like hell. Blake explodes, but Rachel for no apparent reason passes a roll she has no business knowing how to, and does first aid to keep Blake whole until they get him to a cleric.

So Blake gets fixed up and they go to trap the pirates. Rachel digs a hole and has a sign that says something asinine. So, one pirate falls in when he fails his WIS check, I figure hes just drunk. Then the pirate master (pirate ninja viking lord master, Rachel insists) shows up with four guys. Theres a pretty fucking intense deal where they just massacre whats left of Blake. Rachel is somehow wearing camouflaged brick patterned clothes and isnt seen because she said so. Blake continues to get schooled.

So Rachel decides to help in her own way and right on the spot starts building a...... thing? its like a photo booth I guess on the pit spikey pirate trap. I ask her why the pirates would accept this while its being built by a clearly camouflaged adventurer. She claims she wears a hat that says she is a professional photo booth builder. "It's ok, I got a hat"

So somehow, and I dont know how, she passes the rolls and they go into the pit. One dies. Blake goes in after them and just gets his ass stomped in the spike pit. Two climb out and go after Rachel. She lights one of them on fire as well and then just goes batfuck insane and fights them off pretty well, taking a few hits. Blake isnt doing as well. Chris decides to help and launches his tentacle monster because he fails his wis save, which is the only way I let him summon now. The predictable happens and Blake and the tentacle monster have another encounter. The pirates move away from Blake.

So Chris has two pirates on him now and hes fighting them with magic and whatever he can. Hes not doing so well so Rachel somehow summons a puppy, lights it on fire, and throws it at one of them, which somehow messes them up. I point out that Peta will kill her for this. Then Blake escapes from Chris' monster and hes fighting the pirate lord. Hes actually just using fairly basic attacks now. Rachel on the other hand, Chris' monster latches onto her face til she sets it on fire. It runs back to Chris and sets HIM on fire. Rachel tries to pick up her stupid photo shack which is on fire, and throw it at them. Somehow this works. Blake for no reason strips naked and starts doing really, really well. I guess its because his clothes were.... I don't even know. But the pirates dont want to look at him and he leaps ontop of the pirate lord and starts beating him to death with his bear hands.

Then PETA shows up. Chris casts his cold spell to fuck them up and it doesnt relaly but it mostly puts out him and his new familiar .Rachel tries to blame the pirates despite the matches in her hand and the spent match packs around her. The burned puppy the peta people are holding also accuses her. Melee ensues. Blake battles them, but he just gets totally ass kicked. Rachel is doing a bit better, mainly because she distracts them by setting random animals (a bird and a cat) on fire, which distracts the PETA people so she can set THEM on fire. She also tells them she has a dog at home she will set on fire if they dont leave. This doesnt have the desired effect.

Blake has a great idea and flings his sword high into the air hoping it will land on one of the animal rights guys, but instead it clatters harmlessly to the ground. He staggers over to get it, bends down for it, and for some reason they all decide to be horrible people and just start stomping mud holes into him. Blake is now out.

Rachel has now set the cat on fire which distracted the PETA from murdering Chris, but they dont take kindly to this and so they snap the post of one of their signs and drive it into her heart like a stake. She survives somehow. She tries to set herselfe on fire to use as a weapon and ends up cauterizing the wound. Chris is nearly done and they're stunning him by bashing his head with their signs. Blake manages to wake up but he can barely move.

Rachels last ditch effort is a plan to use a dog whistle she claims is kept in her hat along with a jug of gasoline to summon a pound full of dogs. Literally. She hten wanted to set the entire mobile pound on fire, dogs, veterinarians, leashes, collars, puppies, etc. She listed off all the parts of the pound that would go into her fire assault. Problem is the dogs are on to her and know shes been killing pets mercilessly. They roll two natural twenties. Rachel is disassembled by a swarm of dogs she summoned.

Chris fends for himself with his broom but its a losing battle til Blake manages to move and throw something to help out. Chris comes out of it the only one with single digit positive hitpoints and everyone is ressurected.

So the game ended and then we screwed around at Mario for a bit, and then we tried to kill eachother for a while. I beat Izzy and disarmed Blake somehow. We all sort of foguth. Rachel broke a nerf sword over Blake, winning one fight against him while Blake won another. I tought Izzy a few things with the swords and then we decided not to destroy Rachels room and went outside.

So we played tag like a bunch of ten year olds. Blake had the car and actually drove into me to tag me. Then I got Chris and Izzy chased me quite a bit, then it was Chris again, Rachel hid in the car with Blake so we all just started shaking it an d covered the windshield with a snuggie, and then they were playing a cd of frog sounds from inside. Then Blake got out and went to get some sticks to kill us. I went to get the nerf swords so theyd have something else to use but when I got back it was over and Blake and Izzy headfed home.

I wanted to stay cuz Chris and Rick were going to go raid Walmart cuz it was Black Friday and that sounded like and adventure, but Chris had to sleep and I was like, LAME so I went home. I developed a BRILLIANT plan for tomorrow and slid the blueprint under Blake's door for his perusal. Now I go for my rest.

Quest To Save Rachel... plus Blake gets tentacled

Blake appeared while me and chris were fucking around on the xbox. Then we fought eachother for a while and decided to go to walmart. wE BOUGHT SOME coke, then we bought some battle sausages. Then Blake tried to buy that just didnt happen. So we headed home while blake tried to kill us all with his car. We also had two bad ass sausage fights. I fought Chris outside walmart with some pepperoni, then he fell over a cart and the fight had to end, though I at least knocked off his hat. Then me and Blake fought. He got in some pretty good hits including one that really stung my back, so I kicked a bucket at him and whored the fuck out of him when he blocked it, then took out his knee with a pepperoni strike. They didnt hurt as bad as other things might and we did pretty good. Blake threw his at me and I threw mine at him, so I ended up with a broken pepperoni and we just gave up.

So we get inside and I show them the supersoakers and all that, and blake has a recording device that he uses for, I dont know, whatever. So we decide to play D&D with the character sheets I made up. Blake and Chris played as themselves, and Izzy was going to be Heather but she gave up pretty fast.

Party:
Blake: 20+Fighter: has an idiot blade (ridiculous sword that does penalty to your int) and the ability to transform to regain hp. Also has a bonus to any action that other gamers discribe as "fucktarded"
Chris: 20+ Wizard: can cast a bunch of spells, also has a battle broom, and can throw fruit at people
Rachael: 20+ Barbarian: has the ability to spaz flail, dual wield, go batfuck insane and kill everything, and set things on fire for some reason

So the plot is Rachel was kidnapped by ninjas and theyre investigating. Chris attempts to shoot himself but fails. So Blake wanders off to walmart. Chris googles ninjas, and using the internet lolz skill, discovers that they hate pirates. Chris then finds that blake is at walmart.

Meanwhile Blake pages for a ninja at the customer service desk. A ninja appears and a fight breaks out. Blake grapples the ninja, then Chris attempts to punch and fails. Then they start discussing interrogation. Blake is in favor of merciless beatings, Chris supports force lightening, the ninja gives up begins to cry and tells them where Rachel is before attempting to kill himself, but he fails too.

Chris finishes off the ninja and Blake strips him naked. Then they carry him out of walmart for no reason, or at least attemopt to before being stopped by security who ask if they have a reciept. They do not. Blake says they were just trying to return the ninja corpse because its defective, but the guy isnt buying it. They leave the ninja corpse and Chris succeeds in a will save to avoid taking a penalty for hearing such a dumb exchange.

They go to the ninja place with no plan after splitting up. Blake goes in using a barely fitting ninja outfit which rips in several places since hes built like a giant fighter and not a stealthy ninja and a ninja confronts him as he failed to take off his shoes. the ninja rolls badly and falls on his ass. Then Blake just chokes the guy out like a crazy guy.

Then walks in to a ninja spar and starts getting whored. His chest gets slashed and his face gets horrible kicked and all kinds of stuff. Then Chris decides to finally come in. He knocks on the door and the ninja guard is about to kill him, but Chris quick casts and disintegrates the guy using the peep slot as line of sight but hes still locked out. So he finally just has to teleport in, but his disintegration raised the alarm, so theres ninjas all over. Chris whores them all using a fire spell that sets the entire building on fire. The building he went to because his sister was imprisoned inside.

So Blake notices the building is on fire and extends his arm to point this out to the ninjas, but they nearly hacked his arm off for it. So One of the Ninja Chris set on fire is trying to run away, runs into the guy that destroyed Blake's arm, and they both end up sprawled on the ground burning. The other ninja, the only remaining one, runs like hell and jumps through a wall to escape. Chris and Blake continue along to the weapons room and fight another guard who goes down pretty easy.

Finally they reach the dungeon where there are two ninjas standing guard. They both throw ninja stars at Blake, but he decides to charge through a hail of ninja stars and squish them. He totally does crush one of them to death with the shear force of Blake. The other sees Chris try to throw a ball at him and actually deflects it back into Chris' face. Blake asskicks the guy a lot and Chris uses throw apple on him, smashing him up pretty good and allowing Blake to finish him.

They descend into the dungeon proper where they're met by the ninja master. He's pretty cool and confident. He uses nunchucks at first after taunting them. Blake gets schooled a bit, then Chris tries to cast tentical rape. The tentacles get Blake. Blake gets tentacle raped. He takes this pretty well though it damages him. The bad guy just sits back and watches this.

With Blake being raped Chris has to use his turn to dispel the evards black tentacle monster, so the bad guy has a non fighter character alone and starts ominously approaching Chris. Chris does what he can, throwing balls and a game board at the guy, but it doesnt help. The guy reaches Chris, reaches forth, takes his lizard familiar, and snaps it in half. Chris, fighting alone and infuriated summons kool ade man, who bursts through a wall and offers everyone koolade, since the bad guy managed not to be infront of the aforementioned wall.So the ninja master drinks some kool ade while teasing Chris for raping his friend. Before Blake is fully recovered the ninja smears his face with the tail end of the dead lizard, sorta blinding him. Blake wanders off to free Rachael, who has set her bed on fire in her cell and is just watching it burn. Blake cant cleave the cell with only one good arm. With Blake gone the ninja just relaxes and laughs at Chris. Then Chris goes off to see Blake and uses knock to free Rachael. They go back and theyre a bad ass party now. Cept for Blake who looks worse than hell.

So they attack. Chris casts Blade Barrier on Blake and hides behind him. Rachael tries to set ninja master on fire. Before Blake can attack, the ninja does the Scorpion thing to Chris with a rope dart, pulling him through Blake's blade barrier that he just cast and fucking him up pretty bad before dropping him. Blake tries to attack the guy and does some damage which pisses the guy off, so he throws poison grenades everywhere. Rachael and Chris are both poisoned. Rachael cant see so she spaz flails but instead damages Blake and Chris pretty bad. The ninja guy mercifully throws bollas at her and ties her up/knocks her out. Blake is pissed by this, charges the guy with the idiot blade. Guy stops the idiot blade with his hands and turns it upwards, pole vaulting Blake through the cieling up onto the burning first floor of the buidling. So Blake is out of it now.

Blake is chilling on the first floor trying to shake off the damage from getting involuntarily pole vaulted, and raped. So he sits up there above the hole his head made in the floor with the piss cannon, a gun that shoots piss.

Chris is getting schooled to death. So in desperation he casts one or two area effect spells. Kool Ade man gets damaged worse than the ninja guy, so he actively joins the ninja's side and stsrts whoring Chris with kool ade blasts and all sorts of awful stuff. Blake shoots the ninja guy with the piss cannon which really makes him mad because it insults his honor. He takes it out on Chris for a few til Blake comes crashing through the floor and lands on him. The guy tries to punch Blake off of him but Blake grabs his hand and turns it to paste by crusing it. I asked Blake what his strength was for a STR check to do so amd then remembered that rather than try to quantify his ridiculous STR I had simply written "YES" where the number would be.

Chris fights kool ade man but kool ade has the upper hand. Chris electrifies kool ade man, but being liquid it doenst hurt him and he shoots an electric kool ade beam at Chris. Chris is very near to death at this point, like 2 HP. Bad guys are both at 20, Blake is near 30, and Rachael is at like 50 but unable to help. So Blake is still on the ninja guy when ninja gets tired of it and realizes he can fly. He flies Blake through two floors of a burning building, throws him up into the air, and then floats back down to the basement to finish the fight.

Chris summons, sonic the hedgehog by successfully singing the sonic theme song. Sonic keeps kool ade man and the ninja off of him for a bit. Chris is totally out of ideas after sonic rolls a 1 and spins his blue ass into a wall and kills himself. Chris, in desperation, throws his shoe at koolade. Koolade walks over and ties the shoe onto Chris' face... and then Blake plummets in through the cieling and is at like, almost dead.... So he tries to transform. But I wont let him transform with just some splinters of wood. So he takes Chris' snuggie and shoe, and some of the ninja gear and becomes bloody bullshit Blake. And his transformation restores half HP.

So everyone gets up ready for the last round abd after the bad guys heal Blake is first. I don't even know what he was trying to do, except that he rolled 3 natural 20s in a row, one of them landing in our mexican layer dip. Kool ade man was OBLITERATED. Ninja master tries to tempt Blake to join him and kill Chris for summoning the rape monster. Luckily kool ades thirst quencing innards healed Chris. Blake says no. Ninja Master sees theres no way to turn Blake and tries to escape. Chris and Blake fail their rolls to stop him so I roll for the building, which fails its roll and thus collapses, sealing him in.

So Blake goes after him and fails somehow, just too exhausted from murdering kool ade man. Chris has nothing left. No spells, nothing to throwe, not even shoes. But he has his broom. He takes out his broom and bitches the guy. The Ninja master falls to his knees and begs Chris to just give him an honorable death. Despite the fact that he is covered in Blake's urine. Chris decides not to and beats the man to death with a gawdamn broom.

The three heroes loot the corpse and teleport out to safety before the structure collapses. Huzzah.